RPM Steak: Started from the bottom now we here!
So, we stepped out of the grime and gristle that characterizes Chicago (and our social lives) and into the glamour and glitterati of RPM Steak. I was preceded by the newly-nuptialed Zee German and the always-punctual Mr. Cizzle. Needless to say, I was proceeded by the newly-betrothed Mr. Jonathan (which I believe was the name of the bad guy in Lethal Weapon 2). The bar area was crowded and it was difficult to get a drink. Once I got the bartender’s attention, I ordered a rye on the rocks but they did not have any of my brands. I asked for a recommendation from the bartender, “we got something new, it’s from the same brewmaster as Wild Turkey, you’ll love it!” Worth noting I was wearing my finest suit at the time and yet still I could not hide my pedestrian fandom of Wild Turkey.
They texted me when our table was ready, which was promptly at 8:00 PM, and we were given a nice four top in the bosom of the restaurant.
Our waiter did a nice job, he promptly provided us with additional cocktails and the wine list. When the sommelier came over, I requested “a nice full-bodied wine with a smooth finish in the $100-$200 range.” I was prompty informed that they do not have bottles of wine in that range. I was eventually led up-market to a Chateau Cantemerle that had a vintage sometime in my high school years. (Before I’m given the Holinger award for wine exorbitance, It’s worth noting that inexplicably we were “only” charged $345 for two bottles of it). It was indeed full bodied, smooth and spectacular. A real testament to the expertise of the French in this area.
It is worth noting that when we were nearly done with the first bottle, the sommelier came back to refill the glasses. He refilled all of them and Cizzle took a very small sip and the sommelier again refilled his glass. Mr. Jonathan chastised him for this, pointing out that it had obviously been done to encourage another quick order. I didn’t hear exactly what he said, but it sounded like he called the sommelier a “bow-tie clad charletan.” Then Mr. Jonathan did this to the sommelier (starts at about 1:10). Unfortunately, I only have this video of Charles Bronson doing it.
The appetizers were well received. The thick cut bacon was literally bacon butter, the steak tartare was tasty and my favorite was the shrimp that was wrapped in a light rice wrap along with a small asparagus stalk. A nice presentation and a tasty treat. Tip top.
The steaks themselves were merely ok. I ordered a 16 oz. bone-in filet. I was shocked that fresh on the heels of President Obama’s visit the night before, they still had filets left. Speaking of that, here is some excellent footage of President Obama just prior to his visit to RPM Steak.
I asked for it medium rare, it came medium rare so that was good. However, more marbling than should be in a bone-in filet. Also, a lack of salt or seasoning failed to hide the pedestrian nature of the filet I was served. As sides, I went pretty much down the fairway with asparagus and fries, both of which were scarfed down with almost reckless abandon.
The meal itself was a nice intimate affair with just four of us. The discussion while enjoying the steaks was scintillating. Topics included Obama’s meal the night before, exorbitant wedding bar bills, discerning the attitude of strangers from the table company they keep, proper engagement photography, equipment necessary to maintain temperature control in apartments and local city issues.
I totally butchered the dessert ordering. My choices illustrated the naivete of someone who was recently invited to join a prominent steak club and decides to throw a hail mary in the fourth quarter when I was up by a touchdown and could simply kneel it out. It’s worth noting they didn’t have carrot cake or key lime pie on the menu. I ordered a dish that was described as an assortment of berries, whip cream and ice cream and another dish that was described as a lemon cake. The berry dish was literally served in some kind of tall pint glass and had all these things mixed together. I might as well have ordered a milk shake with four straws. The lemon cake was brought to the table and lit on fire by the waiter. It tasted like you might expect – like licking a wood floor that has been heavily coated with lemon pledge and then lit on fire briefly. It was given to us with some nice long skinny hobbit-pipe-looking spoons. Zee German and Mr. Jonathan enjoyed these spoons immensely.
Here is another video of Zee German and Mr. Jonathan from a previous encounter. Mr. Jonathan and Zee German go swimming together.
The bill was on the expensive side. Not surprising considering I splurged on wine a bit and the hype of the place. How many times will we have a dinner where half the attendees were engaged and/or married since the last steak night? Probably not too many. Or as Joe Pesci said in Casino, “So I paid top dollar, who gives a shit.”
To borrow the words of Jackie Chiles, RPM Steak was “restful, resplendent, magnificent.” In total, was RPM Steak great? Most definitely. Did it live up to the hype? Eh.
Bar: 8/10
Waiter: 9/10
Apps: 10/10
Wine & Sommelier: 8/10
Steaks: 6/10
Dessert: 4/10
Aesthetic environment: 10/10
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